Gone

This is the post excerpt.

Gone is the girl who had no fear of the fall 

Gone is the girl who felt no pain at all 

Gone is the smile that lit up her eyes

Gone is the belief she had in your lies 

Gone is the child of innocence and pure 

Gone is the baby who cooed and purred

Gone is the woman that had shoulders straight 

Gone is the girl who feared losing weight 

Gone is the lover she had by her side

Gone is her heart the day that he died. 

The day I met someone new

You tried so hard to get me to see you 

But I was a fox and wanted to see if you were true 

I was tired of being hurt and abused 

And you were something frightening and new

I let you take me, alas on a date

Your giddiness made me feel, oh, so great 

You said let’s go hunting. For birds of a feather 

I knew that this was something we would love to do together 

You took out the guns and the shells for our fun 

And that’s when I knew my heart, you had won 

Your eyes were so blue. So beautiful and bright 

My nerves danced inside of me in sheer delight 

That was the first time my soul sang a tune 

And it hasn’t been the last it’s sang while with you. 

You are my sun, my moon and my stars

If I had to, for you, I would fly all the way to mars 

I love you baby 

You’re all that I need 

And for you my heart will never take heed. 

First Day of College

I walked into a crowd filled classroom 

Picking at the frayed seem on my books in idle thoughts

College. What. A view. 

Sarcasm in my mind seemed funnier to me than anything else. 

The students had slowly sauntered to their seats as the professor skipped in behind me 

Whistling an unfamiliar tune, full of energy and light.  

Each row of movie theatre mocking chairs had a different face, age, and color. 

This stilled my fumbling fingers for a moment and calmed my senses. 

It was the first day of senior year. 

Everyone expects college to be boring after a while 

But to me. To me it was like a fresh clean slate all over again when it came to not only academics but friendships. 

I picked a seat next to a blond girl that was pulling at her cuticles in what seemed like boredom. 

She looked up at me and said in a formal tone “hey” 

This I assumed was to make her not seem rude. But I didn’t really care what her meaning was. 

“Hellooo” I replied in a sing song voice. 

“Alright alright class let’s just dive right in shall we? I hope you all brought your books today because there will be a written response due tomorrow morning on chapters 1-3.” 

As he said this, he wrote on the white board  his name, and the subject of the class. 

From Wilde to Wailin

 “Now to start off today, I need you all to write a poem. It can be no longer than 5 lines but cannot be a specific form of poetry. You must make this free-style. I want to find my creative writers and my strict modern ones. You have 30 minutes to complete this and your time starts now.”

With that, he set a timer and walked out of the classroom.  

We all looked at each other at first in mild confusion. 

Then slowly one by one we all grabbed our pencils from our bags and began to write. 

I tapped my pencil to my head 

What to write what to write what to write. 

Sun shines in the eas–

Boring. 

Think. What would you want to read about if you were a poetry teacher that receives the same shit every day. 

-And that’s when I heard the screams 

“There, there darling it’ll be okay” 

The sound of metal to flesh made me sick 

I looked down at the leg she had sawed

Mamma was the devil when she got mad

The timer Dinged and we all stood. 

Filing in line one after another to turn them in. 

Our professor returned then suddenly. 

“No no no not so fast we must read them aloud” 

Oh crap. 

I thought to myself. This class will think I’m a lunatic. 

One by one the rows began to read. 

Most were about family. 

Past relationships. Lost lovers. Lost prayers. Lost money. lost time 

One was about inner peace. 

It spoke to me. 

And suddenly. 

It was my turn. 

I stood slowly and read my lines, then sat down hurriedly, looking at the student next to me in hopes that we could move along. 

She looked at me disturbed. 

Not good. 

My professor was just staring at me. 

He was thinking. 

Then. He smiled. 

“It will be a pleasure reading your future works miss-?”

“O-Oxford” I stuttered. 

“Very good. Next!” 

The day you Died


I knew you died. 

I remember it clearly. 

I wiped the sleep from my eyes as I rolled up my tent. 

The forest was a place I went to clear my head 

And the night before I had been filled with dread 

So this is where I went. 

I knew you died because when I woke up it felt like something was missing. You know, that feeling when you forget to put socks on as you’re rushing out the door. 

I felt something different than I had ever felt. 

Empty. 

Not like a glass half full. 

Empty. 

Like a 5 gallon drum dripped dry and left in the sun. 

I put out the remains of the fire I had built to keep myself warm. 

I burned my finger on an ember and I didn’t flinch. 

Because I felt numb 

Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. 

I looked down at my fingertips. Their pink delicate flesh swollen from the kiss of fire. 

I knew you died because I felt this urgency. To go nowhere. 

I was in a hurry. For nothing. 

It was hard to swallow. 

Like I had run 4 miles with no water. 

The lump in my throat stuck like an arrow to  its target. 

I turned on my phone. 

8 missed calls from your mother. 

You’re gone. You’re gone. You’re gone. You’re gone. 

NO! 

I yelled at her. 

She didn’t deserve it 

But I didn’t want to believe it. 

LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR 

“This isn’t real!”

I screamed at the trees. 

They echoed me back. But they didn’t sound so convincing. 

They knew it. 

I grabbed handfuls of my hair and yanked at them. 

Because I needed to feel. 

I had to feel. 

Pieces of hair. 

They fell like stalks of wheat to the ground. 

I collapsed to the dirt. 

Rocking myself. 

I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming. 

My mind wasn’t fooled by my attempts to swoon it with talk of dreams. 

This was not a dream. 

This was a nightmare brought to life. 

I was its climactic middle. 

I couldn’t breathe. 

I begged it to consume me. 

But instead everything went blank. 

Blank. Blank. Blank. Blank. Blank. 

Like when you walk into a room to grab something and completely forget what it is you went there to grab to begin with. 

I knew you died. 

Because That day I died too. 

I was a happy kid…

” I was a happy kid The one with the muddy toes that everyone around town knows

I was the kid that came home with skinned knees instead of blond barbies. 

I was that freckled girl with excitement in her soul 

That kid that let all the animals in so her home could feel whole 

I was that kid that rode dirt-bikes in the street 

Laughing and screaming when I ran over my brothers feet

I was that tough girl with the ripped shirt and jeans

Because I jumped the neighbors fence who had a dog that was mean 
I was that wild kid with a heart of gold

So why did I grow up to be so cold?” 

Better play it well 

If you’re going to play my heart, baby play it well. Cause I’ve heard many songs before and been shown a side of hell. It takes more than jokes and silly lies to make me slip and fall, so if youre going to play my heart, baby it’ll take your all. 

Undeserving 

I used to stay awake just to make sure you slept through the night Because during the day we were apart and all we did was fight 

You’d have nightmares and terrors 

I’d hold you when you woke

But when we were both awake, we barely ever spoke

I asked for commitment 

You laughed at the word 

You said it was for fools and that’s all that I heard
I wondered about the girl. 

That filled you with this pain 

I wondered what she did to make me push so hard for trust to gain 
I wished that I could show you 

How safety really felt 

How you made me feel like my heart was going to melt 
I wished I could show you how good you could be treated

How if you had me id be all you ever needed 
But at the end of the night, as the moon began to fall 

I realized that to you, I meant nothing at all. 

Losing you was losing me


You hide your beauty with a veil of uncertainty. 
It swallows you whole. It Buries you deep. 
You fight the urges to run from the sanity. To catch a ship and sail from the shore. 
Images flash through your mind like a kaleidoscope. 
Your fear catches inside of your throat. 
Your memory serves as your own worst enemy taunting and teasing your loss in your face. 
You love one that’s gone but they still stay inside of you. 
Taking up host and leaving you drained. 
Closing your eyes you breathe in the nicotine. 
Black tar mending your heart back to shape
It’s different now the beat of it stutters and slips 
Weeping for those you loved inside of it. 
They’re gone but the emptiness she sickens you 
Gone forever with not even a shadow of hope. 

  

Lost Love


She felt him slipping away from her the second they met each other’s gaze He pretended all was fine like a mouse trapped in a maze

She tried to pull him back to the path set to her heart

But he had already turned around and gone back to the start 

She lay out clues and little hints to help him find his way 

But his heart and his mind had already felt that they had been betrayed 

He couldn’t follow down the path she wanted him to find 

But he still let her think she had a chance in her mind 

The maze never did get solved so the story goes 

And the boy and the girl… Well. No one knows. 

Wants


I want a good morning beautiful and a goodnight kiss. Show me you care, prove I’m someone you miss. I want a night under the stars wrapped and tangled in each other’s skin.

 I want to feel like I’m a prize you’ve always wanted to win. I’m needing some comfort. If you could that’d be right. Until then I’ll have Jack Daniels and Jim Beam hold me tight. 

Break up

I look deeply into your eyes Watching the color change

Like a sea storm, waves crashing and fighting one another. 

You smile at me

But it doesn’t reach those eyes of yours that are battling something fierce inside. 

Something has changed in you 

I feel it. 

A gear has switched And You’re back pedaling 

You’ve felt pain before. 

Felt the sting of a thousand razor blades slicing your insides. 

Your heart screams at you.

Not again. 

You tell yourself that you can fall back in love with her. 

You want to believe it. 

You tell yourself to believe it. 

But your brain knows the truth

And your heart says not again.